We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Two words: blizzard sex
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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