I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
