maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
