please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
