barbara walters just said penis...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
