found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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