When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
