i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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