Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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