Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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