I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
