I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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