I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
