did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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