when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
