No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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