i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
