The maid of honor just puked.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
