In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize