Will you blow on my dice?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
