I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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