Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
