i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
