he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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