This girl is more easily done than said...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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