I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
