so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We were destined to go to rehab together
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
