Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
