so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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