this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
