i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
