Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
