glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
