I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
