Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
