she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize