I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
