I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
