And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
