Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
