Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize