My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
