he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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