And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
