I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
