I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
