I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
