Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
