They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
