I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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