Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
