Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
