well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
