i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize