So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
