At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Still dying that you shit outside
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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