I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
