guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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