Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
