So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
