Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize