I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
