Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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