My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
