We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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