someone get that fucking seahorse.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
