I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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