Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
