My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
