Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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