the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
