Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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