He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
