If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
