Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
