saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize