fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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