shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
