look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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