I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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