i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
