it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
