I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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