I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize