I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And then he peed in my hair
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