Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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