My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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