is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
