Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
