If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
