...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize